sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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