The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
