i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
