Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
