I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
