she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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