just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
