there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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