Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
