Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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