You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
