my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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