Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
