I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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