You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
