Whod you bang
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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