I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
this will be a night to untag.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
