if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
