Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
