apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
