I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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