Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
