She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
