i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
