my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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