i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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