if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
