How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
