I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
