You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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