Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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