The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
