Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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