I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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