you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
