M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
