i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
