why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
