i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
