His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
