we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
