Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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