That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
