she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
