you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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