I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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