it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
