Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
