This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
