Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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