I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
