I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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