I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
